Becoming

Achieving got me the money, the house and the friends. It didn’t stop me crashing a company, going bankrupt, sinking into depression, or having a heart attack a few months before my wedding.

So I turned inward. These stories are about that work: a bipolar diagnosis and learning to accept it, therapy, meditation I was sure was stupid, journaling, Internal Family Systems, psychedelics, and a few experiments that were probably a bad idea, like injecting my own blood into my brain.

They start with the collapse that pushed me inward and the mental health it took to climb out. Then come small changes in how I think, the practices that stuck, and what psychedelics and therapy did for me. They end with looking back: regrets, a betrayal, a nine-hour psychedelic session, and the advice I’d give my younger self.

It mostly worked. I make fewer dumb decisions. I’m a better husband, father and friend. I drink less and drive slower. But the work never seemed to end. Fix one thing and find another. That’s where Part 3 begins.